So what do you do when you are falling off?

So I’m here, holding on to the wagon by my fingertips. I am slowly falling off, though I see shards of light through the darkness that usually encompasses failure. I passed another biggy for me, my courses. I had fallen behind in my classes at school. Usually when this happens, the last 2 semesters I have dropped the course. So here I am, getting ready to drop the course, and I decide than and there not too, and stayed in it.

That is the shard of light I see, I know I can still push it.

My diet has been suffering and my workouts have been non-existent. I would like to blame work, or maybe school, or both. I could blame stress, but I’m not stressed, save over failing. All I have to blame is gaming.

Computer games are more addictive than crack.

I have been averaging 6 hours of games the last 2 week. Counter Strike for those who wonder. See the problem with gaming it is an escape. I am good at Counter Strike, usually really good, I dominate every server I go into, I play matches and scrims, I’ve played on Cal Playoff teams and Cal-I, I love this game. The problem is, Counter Strike, or games in general are an escape.

I sit in real life and I worry about my weight, my future, and my relationships. I also worry about my mother’s health, my schooling and a ton of other things. I sit and worry about it, than I open up counter strike and the world disappears. For a few hours at a time, I am the best, no worries, nothing, I just sit there and I dominate, I am the best in the servers I go into, I beat everyone in matches, I am on top of the world. I have no worries, nothing save not to die.

This is the addiction of online gaming, the addiction that affects hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands and millions of young people, old people, and middle age around the world. When you game, nothing in the world matters save you and the game. Be it Counter Strike, WoW, Dungeons and Dragons, old school mud’s, or new school strategy, all that matters is you and what you are accomplishing at this moment in the game.

So here I am at a crossroads, stressed out of my mind due to life, on the brink of throwing it away again for a video game. I’m sure many of you might scoff at this, and not understand the allure of them, I’m also sure many of you read this and understand exactly what I am talking about.

I have not gone to the gym in a week, I have not been dieting and it is not because I couldn't. It is not because I didn't want too. It is because I chose to loose my body and mind to the world of strategy, of gaming, a soothing temptress to people who need to escape.

So what to do? Next week will decide what happens with me. This weekend even. I have a 12 page essay due on Monday. I am doing it on the UN Security Council and the inability of it to solver the present Middle East problems. This is due on Monday and is worth 30% of my overall mark. I have all day off on Saturday, so tomorrow will decide what happens. This next week will decide whether I stick with my weightless goals, or allow myself to be engulfed by the pure distraction given by gaming.

Wish me luck, I am working towards it, trying to break through this glass ceiling I tend to hit every time I try to change.