So what do you do when you are falling off?

So I’m here, holding on to the wagon by my fingertips. I am slowly falling off, though I see shards of light through the darkness that usually encompasses failure. I passed another biggy for me, my courses. I had fallen behind in my classes at school. Usually when this happens, the last 2 semesters I have dropped the course. So here I am, getting ready to drop the course, and I decide than and there not too, and stayed in it.

That is the shard of light I see, I know I can still push it.

My diet has been suffering and my workouts have been non-existent. I would like to blame work, or maybe school, or both. I could blame stress, but I’m not stressed, save over failing. All I have to blame is gaming.

Computer games are more addictive than crack.

I have been averaging 6 hours of games the last 2 week. Counter Strike for those who wonder. See the problem with gaming it is an escape. I am good at Counter Strike, usually really good, I dominate every server I go into, I play matches and scrims, I’ve played on Cal Playoff teams and Cal-I, I love this game. The problem is, Counter Strike, or games in general are an escape.

I sit in real life and I worry about my weight, my future, and my relationships. I also worry about my mother’s health, my schooling and a ton of other things. I sit and worry about it, than I open up counter strike and the world disappears. For a few hours at a time, I am the best, no worries, nothing, I just sit there and I dominate, I am the best in the servers I go into, I beat everyone in matches, I am on top of the world. I have no worries, nothing save not to die.

This is the addiction of online gaming, the addiction that affects hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands and millions of young people, old people, and middle age around the world. When you game, nothing in the world matters save you and the game. Be it Counter Strike, WoW, Dungeons and Dragons, old school mud’s, or new school strategy, all that matters is you and what you are accomplishing at this moment in the game.

So here I am at a crossroads, stressed out of my mind due to life, on the brink of throwing it away again for a video game. I’m sure many of you might scoff at this, and not understand the allure of them, I’m also sure many of you read this and understand exactly what I am talking about.

I have not gone to the gym in a week, I have not been dieting and it is not because I couldn't. It is not because I didn't want too. It is because I chose to loose my body and mind to the world of strategy, of gaming, a soothing temptress to people who need to escape.

So what to do? Next week will decide what happens with me. This weekend even. I have a 12 page essay due on Monday. I am doing it on the UN Security Council and the inability of it to solver the present Middle East problems. This is due on Monday and is worth 30% of my overall mark. I have all day off on Saturday, so tomorrow will decide what happens. This next week will decide whether I stick with my weightless goals, or allow myself to be engulfed by the pure distraction given by gaming.

Wish me luck, I am working towards it, trying to break through this glass ceiling I tend to hit every time I try to change.

Why try to be something that does not exist?


So today I stumbled across a odd site. We are going to talk about models and airbrushing. The models us man and woman idolize, the ones we try to look like. The one we think about before we eat a second helping, who are they really?

How many of you have seen Usher, and wished we had his 6 pack, or how many girls have gone by the local 7-eleven and saw the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition and wished you have the body they do?

I am willing to be every single one of us, overweight or not has done this. We torture ourself day in and day out, wanting to look like these people. This is an awsome motivator, the problem happens though when we never achieve what it is we are trying too. We are never quite able to get to where we need to be, to be as perfect as them.

Here is an example of something some woman wish they could be, maybe even a little leaner.



Here we go, more or less perfect body. Something to strive for, perfect skin, perfect face. Overall absolutly beautifull.




















Now!.....What did this girl look like before an artist got to her?



WHOA! do you see this difference? HOLLLLLY Crap! Now that is insane.

As you can see, what we are striving for is fake, we can never reach it because it does not exist. Yes, she still look absolutly beautifull, but beautifull in a way we could become. The picture above is beautifull in a way we will never be able to reach, because it does not exist. What we need to strive for is what we want to be, nothing less. Don't be discouraged because you cannot become the model in the magazine, none of us can, save by an artists brush in a photograph.








These pictures were taken from this site here

He has many many more exampled, I would go check it out if you can.

What do you guys think of this? Was it as shocking to you as it was to me?

7 Pounds Down again!


Yep, so 7 pounds down. Another good week. I worked really hard right up until Thursday, than work took over and I didn't go back to the gym till today. I'm starting to have alot of trouble keeping to the diet. Protein powder, which was the staple of my diet has run out now. Not sure when I will be able to buy more, but thinking the next two weeks are going to be really hard on the diet without it.

I start the personal training up again tomorrow, depending how long you have all been reading my blog, the last time I did it, I died and quit doing it. I am hoping with being a little more in shape now; that I will be able to handle the pain Steve is going to inflict upon me. I am looking forward to being pushed again though, I know I can handle it. I understand the fact it will hurt, I won't be able to move, but I also understand the fact that it will make me better when all is said and done. No pain, no gain right?

For those still waiting to start loosing weight..One and one week since I started and I am two belt notches down. You start to see results that quickly.

So wish me luck with the no protein powder these next two weeks, and on the training. I am sure I will be posting here tomorrow moaning about the pain of it. :)